It's not "gay" to drink tisanes and other nonalcoholic brews. In fact, members of manly cultures like the Vikings and Spartans probably drank them.
Mint Milk
Get 2 handfuls of fresh peppermint and a little lemon balm or lemongrass, lavender, and anise or regular hyssop. Add 1/2 cup of boiling water and put the lid on the container really quickly. Wait 5 minutes, then stir in some agave, honey, or any other sweetener. Put in 1 1/2 cups of cold milk or almond milk (soy's flavor is too strong) and serve to yourself and a friend. You can also make chamomile, fennel, linden, etc. milks.
Mugwort
Take as much fresh mugwort leaves as you have water, and also take sassafras/birch twigs, green tea or yerba mate, mint, and lemon rind for flavoring. You can use other strong flavored agents if you like, at least one being minty because mugwort has a horrible flavor that somehow compliments mint quite well. Boil the water, then put in mugwort and put the cover on the pot for 2-5 minutes while it boils. You should be able to smell the mugwort very strongly, it smells almost like mint, and that will let you know when to stop boiling, because you want to keep as much of the volatile oils as possible. Throw in your flavoring ingredients and sweetener and let it sit for a minute or so, then filter out the plant materials and drink the liquid. It's important to add gtea, because mugwort has a strangely invigorating effect on the mind that doesn't make you physically less tired, so it will make you feel like you are floating and a bit disconnected from your body if caffeine isn't present.
Brew for the flu
Citrus rinds
Thyme
Fresh spearmint
Selfheal leaves
Mulberry leaves
Chrysanthemum flowers (the edible kind)
Hyssop
A little honey and salt
This may seem like a ripoff of the anti-inflammatory Chinese patent medicine "Xiasangju", which consists of selfheal, mulberry, and chrysanthemum, but it has added ingredients to deal with all sorts of respiratory infections. Citrus and spearmint will help clear your sinuses while thyme and hyssop have antibacterial properties. In fact, thymol is an ingredient in Listerine. Salt is added because brine is good for sore throats.
Monday, January 14, 2008
More black metal recipes
Tofu cutlets with Aurore sauce / Bloody Crusty Tofu
Smoked tofu or extra firm baked tofu
Egg whites, or ground flax mixed with a little water
Breadcrumbs, preferably homemade
Summer savory
Tarragon or Bell's Seasoning
Butter or olive oil
Flour
Oil
Tomato paste and a little basil, or Marinara sauce
Cut tofu into thin slices, roll it in whatever adhesive you're using, mix your breadcrumbs and spices, roll your tofu into breadcrumbs, dip it into more sticky stuff and more breadcrumbs.
Fry your tofu slices and set 'em aside. Heat up your butter or olive oil and add flour, bit by bit, until you get a nice light roux. Then add a little tomato paste. That's Aurore sauce. Pour it over your tofu. You can use this recipe in sandwiches or by itself.
Pink Beans En Croute or In A Coffin
Celery, carrots, onions, bell pepper, tomato paste partially cooked pink beans.
Flour, baking powder, butter or margarine. Egg or extra flour.
Thyme, cumin, coriander in small quantities
Cut up your celery, carrots, onions, and peppers, and saute them. Add some tomato paste, pink beans and spices, and boil until the beans are mushy and there is very little water left. Thicken with a little flour or an egg, and pour it into a pie crust that you made with flour, baking soda, a little salt, and butter or margarine. Put the top crust on and bake at 325-350 'till it's brown on top.
Variation: it's really cool to make this stuff in a bread pan, in which case it is called Pink Beans In A Coffin, but the pie-shaped version is better for portability. You can make Jamaican-type patties with this recipe as well.
Be Persecuted By Cabbage / Chinese Kim Chee
Cabbage (regular not Napa)
Dried jalapenos
Chinese peppercorns
Salt
Vinegar
Roll up and slice cabbage leaves and boil them. Soak them in a mixture of jalapenos, Chinese peppercorns, salt, and vinegar for a while, until the cabbage gets all spiced. You can either eat it as is or stir fry it with some tofu that has been pre-frozen. If you want to make it old school style, you can put in liquid from existing kim chee, a little sugar, and omit the vinegar. This recipe takes about a week.
Satanic Greensmaster
Collard or turnip greens
Salt
A few cloves garlic
Onion
Liquid smoke
Pinch cumin
Soy sauce
Vegetable stock
Steak sauce or BBQ sauce
Half a lime
Roll up your collards and slice them finely like you're slicing cucumber rounds or something. Saute some garlic and onions, then saute your greens. Put in stock, cumin, a little soy sauce, and a tiny bit of BBQ sauce. Keep boiling. When your greens are almost done, put in liquid smoke and squeeze half a lime into them.
Smoked tofu or extra firm baked tofu
Egg whites, or ground flax mixed with a little water
Breadcrumbs, preferably homemade
Summer savory
Tarragon or Bell's Seasoning
Butter or olive oil
Flour
Oil
Tomato paste and a little basil, or Marinara sauce
Cut tofu into thin slices, roll it in whatever adhesive you're using, mix your breadcrumbs and spices, roll your tofu into breadcrumbs, dip it into more sticky stuff and more breadcrumbs.
Fry your tofu slices and set 'em aside. Heat up your butter or olive oil and add flour, bit by bit, until you get a nice light roux. Then add a little tomato paste. That's Aurore sauce. Pour it over your tofu. You can use this recipe in sandwiches or by itself.
Pink Beans En Croute or In A Coffin
Celery, carrots, onions, bell pepper, tomato paste partially cooked pink beans.
Flour, baking powder, butter or margarine. Egg or extra flour.
Thyme, cumin, coriander in small quantities
Cut up your celery, carrots, onions, and peppers, and saute them. Add some tomato paste, pink beans and spices, and boil until the beans are mushy and there is very little water left. Thicken with a little flour or an egg, and pour it into a pie crust that you made with flour, baking soda, a little salt, and butter or margarine. Put the top crust on and bake at 325-350 'till it's brown on top.
Variation: it's really cool to make this stuff in a bread pan, in which case it is called Pink Beans In A Coffin, but the pie-shaped version is better for portability. You can make Jamaican-type patties with this recipe as well.
Be Persecuted By Cabbage / Chinese Kim Chee
Cabbage (regular not Napa)
Dried jalapenos
Chinese peppercorns
Salt
Vinegar
Roll up and slice cabbage leaves and boil them. Soak them in a mixture of jalapenos, Chinese peppercorns, salt, and vinegar for a while, until the cabbage gets all spiced. You can either eat it as is or stir fry it with some tofu that has been pre-frozen. If you want to make it old school style, you can put in liquid from existing kim chee, a little sugar, and omit the vinegar. This recipe takes about a week.
Satanic Greensmaster
Collard or turnip greens
Salt
A few cloves garlic
Onion
Liquid smoke
Pinch cumin
Soy sauce
Vegetable stock
Steak sauce or BBQ sauce
Half a lime
Roll up your collards and slice them finely like you're slicing cucumber rounds or something. Saute some garlic and onions, then saute your greens. Put in stock, cumin, a little soy sauce, and a tiny bit of BBQ sauce. Keep boiling. When your greens are almost done, put in liquid smoke and squeeze half a lime into them.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Tupperware Ist Krieg
Last night, my roommate stole all the Tupperware to store his supply of dead animals, and I was pretty damn pissed. Today, I found the Tupperware around, thoroughly scrubbed out all the carcass odor from them, and put the following foods in them:
Avant Black Metal Saute
Inspired by the completely random music of UnexpecT, a recipe from China, and the American flag.
Eggs or silken tofu (take your pick)
Tomatoes
A little onion
Blue corn tortillas
Curry powder
Liquid smoke (can you see where this is going?)
Parmesan (optional)
Thyme
Cook your eggs / tofu first, adding your thyme and curry, and set aside. Saute your onions and toss in some tomatoes. Set them aside as well. Cut your tortillas into strips and saute them as if you were cooking chow mein, and then mix everything together and give the whole muddle a big stir. Sprinkle on some Parmesan (if you are averse to dairy use almond meal which is delicious with this).
Green F**king Bananas
Peel some green bananas, saute them, then put in some water and cook 'em until they're mushy. They take a long time to cook, so I like to listen to some Catacombs or Make A Change... Kill Yourself while I'm in the kitchen. While they're boiling, I like to put in some frozen peas 'n' carrots and some diced onion. I put in a lot (like 5-6 tablespoons) of paprika and a pinch of oregano and it came out looking like the aftermath of a black metal concert and kicking poser ass. This is pretty good over grains, stuffed in a pita, or smeared over the carcasses of Cradle of Filth / Dark Funeral members.
Avant Black Metal Saute
Inspired by the completely random music of UnexpecT, a recipe from China, and the American flag.
Eggs or silken tofu (take your pick)
Tomatoes
A little onion
Blue corn tortillas
Curry powder
Liquid smoke (can you see where this is going?)
Parmesan (optional)
Thyme
Cook your eggs / tofu first, adding your thyme and curry, and set aside. Saute your onions and toss in some tomatoes. Set them aside as well. Cut your tortillas into strips and saute them as if you were cooking chow mein, and then mix everything together and give the whole muddle a big stir. Sprinkle on some Parmesan (if you are averse to dairy use almond meal which is delicious with this).
Green F**king Bananas
Peel some green bananas, saute them, then put in some water and cook 'em until they're mushy. They take a long time to cook, so I like to listen to some Catacombs or Make A Change... Kill Yourself while I'm in the kitchen. While they're boiling, I like to put in some frozen peas 'n' carrots and some diced onion. I put in a lot (like 5-6 tablespoons) of paprika and a pinch of oregano and it came out looking like the aftermath of a black metal concert and kicking poser ass. This is pretty good over grains, stuffed in a pita, or smeared over the carcasses of Cradle of Filth / Dark Funeral members.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Black Metal weather....
... requires cooking that is fiery and filling enough to combat its icy chill. After work, my friend Dave and I went down to the horridly overpriced Bogopa supermarket in Bushwick, where I was dismayed to find that the price of lentils had gone up 30 cents.
Lentil Soup (for David)
1 part dry lentils (I prefer Goya because Jack Rabbit sucks ass.)
2 parts water
2 parts vegetable stock
2 tablespoons tomato paste
thyme
garlic
curry powder
liquid smoke (use a LOT, and add it at the end.)
soy sauce to taste
tortillas (to thicken- I use Brooklyn's own Buena Vista brand.)
dried chile peppers
You know what to do. Throw down the lentils, peppers, water, stock, tomato paste, thyme, curry and garlic. Boil until everything's mushy and stuff, and toss in some liquid smoke, soy sauce, and torn up tortillas.
Kudos to Anders for letting me "borrow" his spices.
Lentil Soup (for David)
1 part dry lentils (I prefer Goya because Jack Rabbit sucks ass.)
2 parts water
2 parts vegetable stock
2 tablespoons tomato paste
thyme
garlic
curry powder
liquid smoke (use a LOT, and add it at the end.)
soy sauce to taste
tortillas (to thicken- I use Brooklyn's own Buena Vista brand.)
dried chile peppers
You know what to do. Throw down the lentils, peppers, water, stock, tomato paste, thyme, curry and garlic. Boil until everything's mushy and stuff, and toss in some liquid smoke, soy sauce, and torn up tortillas.
Kudos to Anders for letting me "borrow" his spices.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Velvet Cacoon- Genevieve
Everyone's been talking about Velvet Cacoon, but as soon as the last drony strains of "Bete Noir" left my ears, they had the same fate in my mind as did Blut Aus Nord. Yes, my friends, Velvet Cacoon are overrated.
There are, of course, good parts to this album. I like the nautical theme- it's very unusual for black metal, which tends more to focus on the woods. It's fuzzy and repetitive, like everything we listen to here at theABMkitchen, but there is such a thing as too fuzzy. Some of it just sounds like noise, and the whole album is horribly derivative, with some tracks having only one riff, and not a very good riff, either.
If the Cacoon were some unknown band in the backwoods of Saskatchewan or something, and this were their first album, recorded in a log cabin tucked within permafrost, I would've given it a higher rating, but for such a famous (er... infamous) band, I have to simply shake my head and tell my loyal readers not to shell out the cash.
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