A Clean Metalhead is a True Metalhead: The Soap Issue

I worked as a flyer distributor for a small-time chiropractor for one weekend, where I made enough money for a show, an album, and a meal. I was also given large quantities of Cetaphil, which, as you may know, is a bar soap. I have a deep seated belief that bar soap causes bacterial growth, so I usually do not buy it.

Here's what I did:
Get some soft soap like Cetaphil, put it on a sheet of paper, and chop it up with a plastic knife. If you have hard soap, carve it into a whimsical soapstone sculpture and save the leftover bits. Chop it again, until everything is nice and powdery. Fold the sheet of paper down the middle, into a point, and dump the powder into a soap pump, then fill the soap pump halfway to three quarters of the way with water. Stir it up with a long object that reaches up to the bottom, and stir frequently, because you will get bits at the bottom.
Wash yourself.